Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
