I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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