I hate all girls vehemently.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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