So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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