Have you finally orgasmed yet?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
