Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
