you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
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