It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
