I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
