I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
