; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
