Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
