So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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