Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
