I don't usually arrange sex via text message
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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