So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize