OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
