We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
