I feel great
I just peed on a car
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
