If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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