Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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