I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
