Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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