it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
