Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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