I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
