I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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