i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
