Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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