Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
