I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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