im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
