I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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