So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
