shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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