i just wanna soil my oats bro
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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