Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
