I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
