whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
