Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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