If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
