So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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