no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
