I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
