once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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