Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
