Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
