A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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