Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
