Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
