I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
