fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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