There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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