I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
