I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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