the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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