I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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