I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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