is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
