apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Will exercising make me less horny?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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