break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
