Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
