shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
