She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
