I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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