Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
