tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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