You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Randomize
