cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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