arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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