dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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