in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
