i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
