I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
