Tell her she can't have a vagina
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
