can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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