So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
