Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
