he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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