So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
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