cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
