It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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