Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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