He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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