There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
