yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Someone shattered a urinal.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I can't turn off my feet"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
