and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
