my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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