is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
