An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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