Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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