Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
