Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
As shirtless as possible
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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