Whatcha textin bout Willis?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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