Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
