So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
wow bdsm is so cute
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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