I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
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