She said her name was "party"
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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