I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
so much tequila, so little girl.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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