Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
