What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
