just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
