idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
